Extremely absurd and incredibly fun
James Kakalios reviews How To: Absurd Scientific Advice for Common Real-World Problems by Randall Munroe
In the 1993 Stephen Spielberg directed film Jurassic Park, scientists clone dinosaurs using prehistoric DNA, secured from ancient mosquitoes that have been trapped in amber for 65 million years. In the film, mathematician Dr Ian Malcolm, played by Jeff Goldblum, argues with the creator of the dinosaur-filled theme park, certain that unintended consequences will wind up biting them – literally. His concern is neatly summarized in his admonishment: “Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn’t stop to think if they should.”
It’s a good thing the fictional Dr Malcolm never met the real-world Randall Munroe, whose latest book is How To: Absurd Scientific Advice for Common Real-World Problems. Munroe, creator of the webcomic xkcd and the author of What If? and Thing Explainer, would no doubt consider the Jurassic Park scientists to be timid amateurs. How To provides clear and credible advice on such risky endeavours as “How to mail a package (from space)”, “How to power your house (on Mars)” and “How to build a lava moat (no emphasis needed)”.
Munroe has a degree in physics, and worked as a programmer and roboticist for NASA before becoming a full-time cartoonist with xkcd, and he puts his technical and artistic backgrounds to good use in How To. Each chapter poses a scenario, such as “how to cross a river”, that leads to some rather unconventional advice. Yes, you can walk or swim across a river if it is not too deep or wide, but have you considered inducing a phase change, so that the river is either frozen solid or boiled to steam? How much energy would such “solutions” require and how would one go about accomplishing it? The spirit of the book is summarized in a cartoon in the very first chapter, where two of xkcd’s stick figures converse: “I have an idea,” says one, and when the second asks: “Is it bad?” the first replies: “Extremely.”
While it is not a graphic novel, Munroe does not skimp on the illustrations, which are extremely helpful in clarifying the scientific arguments, often making a point more powerfully than if one used text alone (though many are there just for welcome comic effect). Nor does he shirk from providing physics formulae as he addresses his absurd situations. In this way the book functions as a creative physics (and engineering) primer, with plenty of examples for any physics instructor who is challenged by students who wonder when they will ever use this stuff in their “real life”. In the chapter “How to throw things”, where Munroe considers the (possibly authentic) tale of George Washington throwing a silver dollar across a large river, he concludes: “It’s remarkable that we can get even vaguely realistic answers about a complex physical action like ‘throwing’ using so few pieces of elementary physics.”
Similarly, the next chapter on “How to play football” leads to a discussion of mean free paths, as one tries to avoid those members of the opposing team who might interfere with your attempts to kick the ball into the goal. Which turns, naturally enough, to a discussion of using a horse to cross the pitch (Munroe helpfully points out that this is not strictly forbidden by FIFA’s rules), which morphs into a consideration of a scene from the Lord of the Rings film trilogy where a horseback rider traverses a sea of orcs. Munroe calculates the effective drag of the orcs, in order to determine how much energy (in units, of course, of horsepower) such a feat would require. The argument is so entertaining that you hardly notice that you are learning physics at the same time.
When he cannot answer his “how to” questions with back-of-the-envelope calculations, Munroe consults with experts, often to great effect. In the chapter “How to make an emergency landing”, he pitches a barrage of increasingly ridiculous scenarios to Colonel Chris Hadfield, a Royal Canadian Air Force fighter pilot, test pilot for the US Navy and NASA astronaut. No matter what Munroe asks (How to land on a farm? How to land on a ski jump? How to land on a train?), Hatfield provides thoughtful and realistic answers. Munroe muses: “In retrospect, my plan to fluster an astronaut by throwing extreme situations at him might have been flawed.”
The final full chapter, “How to dispose of this book”, illustrates the practical side of Munroe’s fanciful scenarios. Sure, you could burn the book or throw it in the ocean, but what if the book is indestructible or cursed, such that you could not destroy it no matter how much you wanted to be rid of it? Before you protest that this is nonsense, Munroe points out that this is exactly the conundrum faced with radioactive nuclear waste. What follows is a rather serious discussion of the various nuclear-waste disposal options available, from burying it in a very deep hole to flinging it into the Sun, weighing all the pros and cons.
Such a book and approach to our real-world problems is timely and valuable, for in order to address what we should, we must determine what we could.